Бойцовский клуб
Chapter 2
It’sastupidwaytolive,Bobsaid,butwhenyou’repumpedandshavedonstage,totallyshreddedwithbodyfatdowntoaroundtwopercentandthediureticsleaveyoucoldandhardasconcretetotouch. You’reblindfromthelights,anddeaffromthefeedbackrushofthesoundsystemuntilthejudgeorders:"Extendyourrightquad,flexandhold."
"Extendyourleftarm,flexthebicepandhold."
Thisisbetterthanreallife.
Fast-forward,Bobsaid,tothecancer.Thenhewasbankrupt.Hehadtwogrownkidswhowouldn’treturnhiscalls.
Thecureforbitchtitswasforthedoctortocutupunderthepectoralsanddrainanyfluid.
ThiswasallIrememberbecausethenBobwasclosinginaroundmewithhisarms,andhisheadwasfoldingdowntocoverme. ThenIwaslostinsideoblivion,darkandsilentandcomplete,andwhenIfinallysteppedawayfromhissoftchest,thefrontofBob’sshirtwasawetmaskofhowIlookedcrying.
Thatwastwoyearsago,atmyfirstnightwithRemainingMenTogether.
Atalmosteverymeetingsincethen,BigBobhasmademecry.
Ineverwentbacktothedoctor.Ineverchewedthevalerianroot.
Thiswasfreedom.Losingallhopewasfreedom.IfIdidn’tsayanything,peopleinagroupassumedtheworst. Theycriedharder.Icriedharder.Lookupintothestarsandyou’regone.
