Chapter 30

           Inmyfather’shousearemanymansions.Ofcourse,whenIpulledthetrigger,Idied. 

           Liar. 

           AndTylerdied. 

           Withthepolicehelicoptersthunderingtowardus,andMarlaandallthesupportgrouppeople whocouldn’tsavethemselves,withallofthemtryingtosaveme,Ihadtopullthetrigger. 

           Thiswasbetterthanreallife. 

           Andyouroneperfectmomentwon’tlastforever. 

           Everythinginheaveniswhiteonwhite. 

           Faker. 

           Everythinginheavenisquiet,rubber-soledshoes. 

           Icansleepinheaven. 

           PeoplewritetomeinheavenandtellmeI’mremembered. ThatI’mtheirhero.I’llgetbetter. 

           TheangelsherearetheOldTestamentkind,legionsandlieutenants,aheavenlyhostwhoworksinshifts,days,swing. Graveyard.Theybringyouyourmealsonatraywithapapercupofmeds. TheValleyoftheDollsplayset. 

           I’vemetGodacrosshislongwalnutdeskwithhisdiplomashangingonthewallbehindhim,andGodasksme, "Why?" 

           WhydidIcausesomuchpain? 

           Didn’tIrealizethateachofusisasacred,uniquesnowflakeofspecialuniquespecialness? 

           Can’tIseehowwe’reallmanifestationsoflove? 

           IlookatGodbehindhisdesk,takingnotesonapad,butGod’sgotthisallwrong. 

           Wearenotspecial.