Бойцовский клуб

           Insidethepalacewerethesevendoors,thegreendoor,theyellowdoor,theorangedoor,andChloetalkedusthroughopeningeachdoor,thebluedoor,thereddoor,thewhitedoor,andfindingwhatwasthere. 

           Eyesclosed,weimaginedourpainasaballofwhitehealinglightfloatingaroundourfeetandrisingtoourknees,ourwaist,ourchest.Ourchakrasopening. Theheartchakra.Theheadchakra.Chloetalkedusintocaveswherewemetourpoweranimal.Minewasapenguin. 

           Icecoveredthefloorofthecave,andthepenguinsaid,slide.Withoutanyeffort,weslidthroughtunnelsandgalleries. 

           Thenitwastimetohug. 

           Openyoureyes. 

           Thiswastherapeuticphysicalcontact,Chloesaid.Weshouldallchooseapartner.Chloethrewherselfaroundmyheadandcried.Shehadstraplessunderwearathome,andcried. Chloehadoilsandhandcuffs,andcriedasIwatchedthesecondhandonmywatchgoaroundeleventimes. 

           SoIdidn’tcryatmyfirstsupportgroup,twoyearsago.Ididn’tcryatmysecondormythirdsupportgroup,either. Ididn’tcryatbloodparasitesorbowelcancersororganicbraindementia. 

           Thisishowitiswithinsomnia.Everythingissofaraway,acopyofacopyofacopy.Theinsomniadistanceofeverything,youcan’ttouchanythingandnothingcantouchyou. 

           ThentherewasBob.ThefirsttimeIwenttotesticularcancer,Bobthebigmoosie,thebigcheesebreadmovedinontopofmeinRemainingMenTogetherandstartedcrying.