Тонкое искусство пофигизма

           I’lltellyouwhy:Thatladyprobablydoesn’thaveanythingbettertodowithherdaysthantositathomecuttingoutcoupons.She’soldandlonely.Herkidsaredickheadsandnevervisit.Shehasn’thadsexinoverthirtyyears.Shecan’tfartwithoutextremelower-backpain.Herpensionisonitslastlegs,andshe’sprobablygoingtodieinadiaperthinkingshe’sinCandyLand.

           Soshesnipscoupons.That’sallshe’sgot.It’sherandherdamncoupons.It’sallshecangiveafuckaboutbecausethereisnothingelsetogiveafuckabout.Andsowhenthatpimply-facedseventeen-year-oldcashierrefusestoacceptoneofthem,whenhedefendshiscashregister’spuritythewayknightsusedtodefendmaidens’virginity,youcanbetGrannyisgoingtoerupt.Eightyyearsoffuckswillraindownallatonce,likeafieryhailstormof“Backinmyday”and“Peopleusedtoshowmorerespect”stories.

           Theproblemwithpeoplewhohandoutfuckslikeicecreamatagoddamnsummercampisthattheydon’thaveanythingmorefuck-worthytodedicatetheirfucksto.

           Ifyoufindyourselfconsistentlygivingtoomanyfucksabouttrivialshitthatbothersyou—yourex-boyfriend’snewFacebookpicture,howquicklythebatteriesdieintheTVremote,missingoutonyetanothertwo-for-onesaleonhandsanitizer—chancesareyoudon’thavemuchgoingoninyourlifetogivealegitimatefuckabout.Andthat’syourrealproblem.Notthehandsanitizer.NottheTVremote.