Унесенные ветром

Chapter 63

           "ButI’mtoooldtobelieveinsuchsentimentalitiesascleanslatesandstartingallover.I’mtoooldtoshouldertheburdenofconstantliesthatgowithlivinginpolitedisillusionment.Icouldn’tlivewithyouandlietoyouandIcertainlycouldn’tlietomyself.Ican’tevenlietoyounow.IwishIcouldcarewhatyoudoorwhereyougo,butIcan’t."

           Hedrewashortbreathandsaidlightlybutsoftly:

           "Mydear,Idon’tgiveadamn."

           ***

           Shesilentlywatchedhimgoupthestairs,feelingthatshewouldstrangleatthepaininherthroat.Withthesoundofhisfeetdyingawayintheupperhallwasdyingthelastthingintheworldthatmattered.Sheknewnowthattherewasnoappealofemotionorreasonwhichwouldturnthatcoolbrainfromitsverdict.Sheknewnowthathehadmeanteverywordhesaid,lightlythoughsomeofthemhadbeenspoken.Sheknewbecauseshesensedinhimsomethingstrong,unyielding,implacableallthequalitiesshehadlookedforinAshleyandneverfound.

           Shehadneverunderstoodeitherofthemenshehadlovedandsoshehadlostthemboth.Now,shehadafumblingknowledgethat,hadsheeverunderstoodAshley,shewouldneverhavelovedhim;hadsheeverunderstoodRhett,shewouldneverhavelosthim.Shewonderedforlornlyifshehadeverreallyunderstoodanyoneintheworld.

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