Риф, или Там, где разбивается счастье

IX

           Itwasinthevisionedregionofactionandemotionthatherfullesthourswerespent;butithardlyoccurredtoherthattheymightbetranslatedintoexperience,orconnectedwithanythinglikelytohappentoayoungladylivinginWestFifty-fifthStreet.

           Sheperceived,indeed,thatothergirls,leadingoutwardlythesamelifeasherself,andseeminglyunawareofherworldofhiddenbeauty,wereyetpossessedofsomevitalsecretwhichescapedher.Thereseemedtobeakindoffreemasonrybetweenthem;theywerewiderawakethanshe,morealert,andsureroftheirwantsifnotoftheiropinions.Shesupposedtheywere“cleverer”,andacceptedherinferioritygood-humouredly,halfaware,withinherself,ofareserveofunusedpowerwhichtheothersgavenosignofpossessing.

           Thispartlyconsoledherformissingsomuchofwhatmadetheir“goodtime”;buttheresultingsenseofexclusion,ofbeingsomehowlaughinglybutfirmlydebarredfromashareoftheirprivileges,threwherbackonherselfanddeepenedthereservewhichmadeenviousmothersciteherasamodelofladylikerepression.Love,shetoldherself,wouldonedayreleaseherfromthisspellofunreality.Shewaspersuadedthatthesublimepassionwasthekeytotheenigma;butitwasdifficulttorelateherconceptionoflovetotheformsitworeinherexperience.

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