VIII
Glennardhad,perhapsunconsciously,countedonthecontinuanceofthiseasiermood.Hehadalwaystakenprideinacertainrobustnessoffibrethatenabledhimtohardenhimselfagainsttheinevitable,toconverthisfailuresintothebuildingmaterialsofsuccess.Thoughitdidnotevennowoccurtohimthatwhathecalledtheinevitablehadhithertobeenthealternativehehappenedtoprefer,hewasyetobscurelyawarethathispresentdifficultywasonenottobeconjuredbyanyaffectationofindifference.Somegriefsbuildthesoulaspacioushouse—butinthismiseryofGlennard’shecouldnotstandupright.Itpressedagainsthimateveryturn.Hetoldhimselfthatthiswasbecausetherewasnoescapefromthevisibleevidencesofhisact.The“Letters”confrontedhimeverywhere.Peoplewhohadneveropenedabookdiscussedthemwithcriticalreservations;tohavereadthemhadbecomeasocialobligationincirclestowhichliteratureneverpenetratesexceptinapersonalguise.
Glennarddidhimselfinjustice,itwasfromtheunexpecteddiscoveryofhisownpettinessthathechieflysuffered.Ourself-esteemisapttobebasedonthehypotheticalgreatactwehaveneverhadoccasiontoperform;andeventhemostself-scrutinizingmodestycreditsitselfnegativelywithahighstandardofconduct.Glennardhadneverthoughthimselfahero;buthehadbeencertainthathewasincapableofbaseness.Wealllikeourwrong-doingstohaveabecomingcut,tobemadetoorder,asitwere;andGlennardfoundhimselfsuddenlythrustintoagarbofdishonorsurelymeantforameanerfigure.