Кладбище домашних животных

60

           Whatkilledtheurgewasnotasenseoffutility,notguilt,notdespairorthedeepwearinessinsidehim.Itwasthesightofthosemuddyfootprintsonthekitchenfloor.Inhismind’seyehecouldseethemtracingapathacrosstheentirecountryfirsttoIllinois,thentoFloridaacrosstheentireworld,ifnecessary.Whatyoubought,youowned,andwhatyouownedeventuallycamehometoyou.

           TherewouldcomeadaywhenhewouldopenadoorandtherewouldbeGage,adementedparodyofhisformerself,grinningasunkengrin,hisclearblueeyesgoneyellowandsmart-stupid.OrElliewouldopenthebathroomdoorforhermorningshower,andtherewouldbeGageinthetub,hisbodycrisscrossedwiththefadedscarsandbulgesofhisfatalaccident,cleanbutstinkingofthegrave,.

           Ohyes,thatdaywouldcomehedidn’tdoubtitabit.

           "HowcouldIhavebeensostupid?"hesaidtotheemptyroom,talkingtohimselfagain,notcaring."How?"

           Grief,notstupidity,Louis.Thereisadifference...small,butvital.Thebatterythatburyinggroundsurviveson.Growinginpower,Judsaid,andofcoursehewasrightandyou’repartofitspowernow.Ithasfedonyourgrief...no,morethanthat.It’sdoubledit,cubedit,raisedittothenthpower.Anditisn’tjustgriefitfeedson.Sanity.It’seatenyoursanity.Theflawisonlytheinabilitytoaccept,notuncommon.It’scostyouyourwife,andit’salmostsurelycostyouyourbestfriendaswellasyourson.

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