Американские боги

           Hewondersifheshouldsimplygrithisteeth,trytoimaginethatheisinMauiwithnooneelsearound,andpissagainsttherearwheelofthecar.Hewishesheweren’tsoutterlypee-shy,andhethinksmaybehecanholditinforlongerbuthefindshimselfrememberinganewspaperclippingthatsomeonehadtackedupintheloungeinhisfrathouse,thirtyyearsbefore:thecautionarytaleofanoldmanwhohadbeenonalongbusridewithabustedrest-room,whohadhelditin,and,attheendofhisjourney,neededtobecatheterizedinorderevertopissagain…

           Thatwasridiculous.Heisn’tthatold.HeisgoingtocelebratehisfiftiethbirthdayinApril,andhiswaterworksworkjustfine.Everythingworksjustfine.

           Hepullsouthistelephone,touchesthemenu,pagesdown,andfindstheaddressentrymarked"Laundry"whichhadamusedhimsomuchwhenhetypeditin—areferencetoTheManfromU.N.C.L.E.,andashelooksatitherealizesthatit’snotfromthatatall,thatwasatailor’s,he’sthinkingofGetSmart,andhestillfeelsweirdandslightlyembarrassedafteralltheseyearsaboutnotrealizingitwasacomedywhenhewasakid,andjustwantingashoephone…

           Awoman’svoiceonthephone."Yes?"

           "ThisisMisterTown,forMisterWorld."

           "Holdplease.I’llseeifhe’savailable."

           Thereissilence.