Коллекционер

           Hecan’tloveus.Hehatesusbecausehecan’tloveus.

           Allthemeannessandtheselfishnessandthelies.

           Peoplewon’tadmitit,they’retoobusygrabbingtoseethatthelightshavefused.Theycan’tseethedarknessandthespider-facebeyondandthegreatwebofitall.Thatthere’salwaysthisifyouscratchatthesurfaceofhappinessandgoodness.

           Theblackandtheblackandtheblack.

           I’venotonlyneverfeltlikethisbefore,Ineverimagineditpossible.Morethanhatred,morethandespair.Youcan’thatewhatyoucannottouch,Ican’tevenfeelwhatmostpeoplethinkofasdespair.It’sbeyonddespair.It’sasifIcan’tfeelanymore.Isee,butIcan’tfeel.

           OhGodifthereisaGod.

           Ihatebeyondhate.

           Hecamedownjustnow.Iwasasleepontopofthebed.Fever.

           Theairsostuffy.Itmustbeflu.

           IfeltsorottenIsaidnothing.Noenergytosaymyhate.

           Thebed’sdamp.Mychesthurts.

           Ididn’tsayawordtohim.It’sgonebeyondwords.IwishIwasaGoya.CoulddrawtheabsolutehateIhaveinmeforhim.

           I’msofrightened.Idon’tknowwhatwillhappenifI’mreallyill.Ican’tunderstandwhymychesthurts.AsifI’vehadbronchitisfordays.

           Buthe’dhavetogetadoctor.Hemightkillme,buthecouldn’tjustletmedie.

           Oh,God,thisishorrible.

           (Evening.)Hebroughtathermometer.Itwasa100atlunch,andnowit’sa101.Ifeelterrible.

           I’vebeeninbedallday.

           He’snothuman.

           OhGodI’msolonelysoutterlyalone.

           Ican’twrite.

           (Morning.)