Коллекционер

           I’msickofbeingyoung.Inexperienced.

           Cleveratknowingbutnotatliving.

           Iwanthischildreninme.

           Mybodydoesn’tcountanymore.Ifhejustwantsthathecanhaveit.Icouldn’teverbeaToinette.Acollectorofmen.

           Beingcleverer(asIthought)thanmostmen,andclevererthanallthegirlsIknew.IalwaysthoughtIknewmore,feltmore,understoodmore.

           ButIdon’tevenknowenoughtohandleCaliban.

           AllsortsofbitsleftoverfromLadymontdays.FromthedayswhenIwasanicelittlemiddle-classdoctor’sdaughter.They’vegonenow.WhenIwasatLadymontIthoughtIcouldmanipulateapencilverynicely.AndthenwhenIwenttoLondon,IbegantofindIcouldn’t.IwassurroundedbypeoplewhowerejustasskilledasIwas.Moreso.Ihaven’tbeguntoknowhowtohandlemylife—oranyoneelse’s.

           I’mtheonewhoneedslameducking.

           It’slikethedayyourealizedollsaredolls.IpickupmyoldselfandIseeit’ssilly.AtoyI’veplayedwithtoooften.It’salittlesad,likeanoldgolliwogatthebottomofthecupboard.

           Innocentandused-upandproudandsilly.

           G.P.

           Ishallbehurt,lost,batteredandbuffeted.Butitwillbelikebeinginagaleoflight,afterthisblackhole.

           It’ssimplythat.Hehasthesecretoflifeinhim.Somethingspring-like.Notimmoral.

           It’sasifI’donlyseenhimattwilight;andnowsuddenlyIseehimatdawn.Heisthesame,buteverythingisdifferent.

           IlookedinthemirrortodayandIcouldseeitinmyeyes.