Коллекционер

           I’vegivenhimuntiltomorrowmorningtomakeuphismind.

           December2nd

           I’mtogoupstairs.He’sgoingtoconvertaroom.Hesaiditwouldtakeaweek.Isaid,allright,butifit’sanotherput-off...

           We’llsee.

           IlayinbedlastnightandthoughtofG.P.Ithoughtofbeinginbedwithhim.Iwantedtobeinbedwithhim.Iwantedthemarvellous,thefantasticordinarinessofhim.

           Hispromiscuityiscreative.Vital.Eventhoughithurts.Hecreatesloveandlifeandexcitementaroundhim;helives,thepeoplehelovesrememberhim.

           I’vealwaysfeltlikeitsometimes.Promiscuous.AnyoneIsee,evenjustsomeboyintheTube,someman,Ithinkwhatwouldhebelikeinbed.Ilookatthemouthsandtheirhands,putonaprimexpressionandthinkaboutthemhavingmeinbed.

           EvenToinette,gettingintobedwithanyone.Iusedtothinkitwasmessy.Butloveisbeautiful,anylove.Evenjustsex.Theonlythingthatisuglyisthisfrozenlifelessutterlack-lovebetweenCalibanandme.

           ThismorningIwasimaginingI’descapedandthatCalibanwasincourt.Iwasspeakingforhim.Isaidhiscasewastragic,heneededsympathyandpsychiatry.Forgiveness.

           Iwasn’tbeingnoble.Idespisehimtoomuchtohatehim.

           It’sfunny.Iprobablyshouldspeakforhim.

           Iknewweshouldn’tbeabletomeetagain.

           Icouldnevercurehim.BecauseI’mhisdisease.

           December3rd

           IshallgoandhaveanaffairewithG.P.

           I’llmarryhimifhewants.

           Iwanttheadventure,theriskofmarryinghim.