Коллекционер

           Idon’twanttodiebecauseIkeeponthinkingofthefuture.I’mdesperatelycurioustoknowwhatlifewillbringtome.Whatwillhappentome,howI’lldevelop,whatI’llbeinfiveyears’time,inten,inthirty.ThemanIwillmarryandtheplacesIwillliveinandgettoknow.Children.Itisn’tjustaselfishcuriosity.Thisistheworstpossibletimeinhistorytodie.Space-travel,science,thewholeworldwakingupandstretchingitself.Anewageisbeginning.Iknowit’sdangerous.Butit’swonderfultobealiveinit.

           Ilove,Iadoremyage.

           Ikeeponhavingthoughtstoday.Onewas:uncreativemenplusopportunity-to-createequalsevilmen.

           Anotheronewas:killinghimwasbreakingmywordtowhatIbelieve.Somepeoplewouldsay—you’reonlyadrop,yourword-breakingisonlyadrop,itwouldn’tmatter.Butalltheevilintheworld’smadeupoflittledrops.It’ssillytalkingabouttheunimportanceofthelittledrops.Thelittledropsandtheoceanarethesamething.

           I’vebeendaydreaming(notforthefirsttime)aboutlivingwithG.P.Hedeceivesme,heleavesme,heisbrutalandcynicalwithme,Iamindespair.Inthesedaydreamsthereisn’tmuchsex,it’sjustourlivingtogether.Inratherromanticsurroundings.Sea-and-islandnorthernlandscapes.Whitecottages.SometimesintheMediterranean.Wearetogether,verycloseinspirit.Allsillymagazinestuff,really,inthedetails.Butthereistheclosenessofspirit.Thatissomethingreal.