Коллекционер

           Andthere’shisdiabolicalcunningaboutthenewspapersandradioandsoon.Ineverreadthepapersverymuch,orlistenedtothenews.Buttobetotallycutoff.It’ssostrange.IfeelI’velostallmybearings.

           Ispendhourslyingonthebedthinkingabouthowtoescape.

           Endless.

           November25th

           (Afternoon.)ThismorningIhadatalkwithhim.Igothimtositasamodel.ThenIaskedhimwhathereallywantedmetodo.ShouldIbecomehismistress?Butthatshockedhim.HewentredandsaidhecouldbuythatinLondon.

           ItoldhimhewasaChinesebox.Andheis.

           TheinnermostboxisthatIshouldlovehim;inallways.Withmybody,withmymind.Respecthimandcherishhim.It’ssoutterlyimpossible—evenifIcouldovercomethephysicalthing,howcouldIeverlookinanywaybutdownonhim?

           Batteringhisheadonastonewall.

           Idon’twanttodie.Ifeelfullofendurance.Ishallalwayswanttosurvive.Iwillsurvive.

           November26th

           Theonlyunusualthingabouthim—howhelovesme.OrdinaryNewPeoplecouldn’tloveanythingashelovesme.Thatisblindly.Absolutely.LikeDanteandBeatrice.

           Heenjoysbeinghopelesslyinlovewithme.IexpectDantewasthesame.Mooningaroundknowingitwasallquitehopelessandgettinglotsofgoodcreativematerialfromtheexperience.

           ThoughofcourseCalibancan’tgetanythingbuthisownmiserablepleasure.

           Peoplewhodon’tmakeanything.Ihatethem.

           HowfrightenedofdyingIwasinthosefirstdays.