Коллекционер

           Imean,Ilethimspendallthatmoneyonme,andalthoughItoldmyselfitwasfair,itwasn’t.BecauseIfeltvaguelygrateful,I’vebeennicetohim.Evenmyteasingwasnice,evenmysneeringandspittingathim.Evenmybreakingthings.Becauseittakesnoticeofhim.Andmyattitudeshouldhavebeenwhatitwillbefromnowon—ice.

           Freezehimtodeath.

           Heisabsolutelyinferiortomeinallways.Hisonesuperiorityishisabilitytokeepmehere.That’stheonlypowerhehas.Hecan’tbehaveorthinkorspeakordoanythingelsebetterthanIcan—nearlyaswellasIcan—sohe’sgoingtobetheOldManoftheSeauntilIshakehimoffsomehow.

           Itwillhavetobebyforce.

           I’vebeensittinghereandthinkingaboutGod.Idon’tthinkIbelieveinGodanymore.Itisnotonlyme,Ithinkofallthemillionswhomusthavelivedlikethisinthewar.TheAnneFranks.Andbackthroughhistory.WhatIfeelIknownowisthatGoddoesn’tintervene.Heletsussuffer.Ifyouprayforlibertythenyoumaygetreliefjustbecauseyoupray,orbecausethingshappenanyhowwhichbringyouliberty.ButGodcan’thear.There’snothinghumanlikehearingorseeingorpityingorhelpingabouthim.ImeanperhapsGodhascreatedtheworldandthefundamentallawsofmatterandevolution.Buthecan’tcareabouttheindividuals.He’splanneditsosomeindividualsarehappy,somesad,somelucky,somenot.Whoissad,whoisnot,hedoesn’tknow,andhedoesn’tcare.Sohedoesn’texist,really.