Зима тревоги нашей

           I’llgetaroundtoyou,slicedbeetsandtinnedbuttonmushrooms,inamoment.Iknowyouwantmetotalkaboutyou.Everyonedoes.ButI’monthevergeofit—pointofreference,that’sit.Ifthelawsofthinkingarethelawsofthings,thenmoralsarerelativetoo,andmannerandsin—that’srelativetooinarelativeuniverse.Hastobe.Nogettingawayfromit.Pointofreference.

           "YoudrycerealwiththeMickeyMousemaskontheboxandaventriloquismgadgetforthelabelandtencents.I’llhavetotakeyouhome,butrightnowyousitupandlisten.WhatItolddearMaryasajokeistrue.Myancestors,thosehighlyreveredship-ownersandcaptains,surelyhadcommissionstoraidcommerceintheRevolutionandagainin1812.Verypatrioticandvirtuous.ButtotheBritishtheywerepirates,andwhattheytooktheykept.That’showthefamilyfortunestartedthatwaslostbymyfather.That’swherethemoneythatmakesmoneycamefrom.Wecanbeproudofit."

           Ibroughtinacartonoftomatopaste,slasheditopen,andstackedthecharmingslenderlittlecansontheirdepletedshelf."Maybeyoudon’tknow,becauseyou’rekindofforeigners.Moneynotonlyhasnoheartbutnohonornoranymemory.Moneyisrespectableautomaticallyifyoukeepitawhile.YoumustnotthinkIamdenouncingmoney.Iadmireitverymuch.Gentlemen,mayIintroducesomenewcomerstoourcommunity.Let’ssee,I’llputthemherebesideyoucatsups.Makethesebread-and-butterpickleswelcomeintheirnewhome.NewYorkers,bornandslicedandbottled.