Зима тревоги нашей
Chapter 3
MaybemyguiltcomesbecauseIammybrother’skeeperandIhavenotsavedhim.Withafeelingthatdeepdown,excuses—evenvalidones—givenorelief.Taylors—asoldafamilyasHawleysorBakersoranyoftheothers.InchildhoodIcanremembernopicnic,nocircus,nocompetition,noChristmaswithoutDannybesidemeascloseasmyownrightarm.Maybeifwehadgonetocollegetogetherthiswouldn’thavehappened.IwenttoHarvard—luxuriatedinlanguages,bathedinthehumanities,lodgedintheold,thebeautiful,theobscure,indulgedmyselfwithknowledgeutterlyuselessinrunningagrocerystore,asitdeveloped.AndalwaysIwishedDannycouldbewithmeonthatbrightandexcitedpilgrimage.ButDannywasbredforthesea.HisappointmenttotheNavalAcademywasplannedandverifiedandcertainevenwhenwewerekids.HisfatherseweduptheappointmenteverytimewegotanewCongressman.
Threeyearswithhonorsandthenexpelled.Itkilledhisparents,theysay,anditkilledmostofDanny.Allthatremainedwasthisshufflingsorrow—thiswanderingnightsorrowcadgingdimesforapintofskull-buster.IthinktheEnglishwouldsay,"He’sletthesidedown,"andthatalwayswoundsthelet-downermorethantheside.Danny’sanightwanderernow,anearly-morningman,alonely,draggingthing.Whenheasksforaquarterforskull-busterhiseyesbegyoutoforgivehimbecausehecan’tforgivehimself.HesleepsinashackinbackoftheboatworkswhereWilbursusedtobeshipbuilders.
