Зима тревоги нашей

           AgainsttheboredomofmyjobIplayedwithitandeverythingalongthewayfellintoit—Allenandhismousemask,leakingtoilet,rustypistol,holidaycomingup,Joeywaddingpaperinthelockofthealleydoor.AsagameItimedtheprocess,enactedit,testedit.Butgunmenshootingitoutwithcops—aren’ttheythelittleboyswhopracticedquickdrawswithcappistolsuntiltheygotsogoodtheyhadtousetheskill?

           Idon’tknowwhenmygamestoppedbeingagame.PerhapswhenIknewImightbuythestoreandwouldneedmoneytorunit.Foronething,itishardtothrowawayaperfectstructurewithouttestingit.Andasforthedishonesty,thecrime—itwasnotacrimeagainstmen,onlyagainstmoney.Noonewouldgethurt.Moneyisinsured.Therealcrimeswereagainstmen,againstDannyandagainstMarullo.IfIcoulddowhatIhaddone,theftwasnothing.Andallofitwastemporary.Noneofitwouldeverhavetoberepeated.Actually,beforeIknewitwasnotagame,myprocedureandequipmentandtimingwereasnearperfectionaspossible.Thecap-pistolboyfounda.45inhishand.

           Ofcourseanaccidentwaspossiblebutthatissoincrossingthestreetorwalkingunderatree.Idon’tthinkIhadanyfear.Ihadrehearsedthatoutofme,butIdidhaveabreathlessness,likethestagefrightofanactorstandinginthewingsonhisopeningnight.Anditwaslikeaplayinthateveryconceivablemischancehadbeeninspectedandeliminated.

           InmyworrythatIwouldnotsleep,Islept,deeplyandasfarasIknowwithoutdreams,andoverslept.