Зима тревоги нашей

           Ihadnotlainawakeasmenaresaidtodoontheeveofbattle.Sleepcamequickly,heavily,completely,andreleasedmejustasfreelyinthepredawn,refreshed.Ididnotlieinthedarknessasusual.Myurgewastovisitmylifeasithadbeen.Islippedquietlyfrombed,dressedinthebathroom,andwentdownthestairs,walkingneartothewall.ItdidsurprisemewhenIwenttothecabinet,unlockedit,andrecognizedtherosymoundbytouch.Iputitinmypocketandclosedandlockedthecabinet.InmywholelifeIhadnevercarrieditawayandIhadnotknownIwoulddoitthismorning.Memorydirectedmethroughthedarkkitchenandoutthebackdoorintothegrayingyard.Thearchingelmswerefatwithleaves,atrueblackcave.IfIhadthenhadMarullo’sPontiacIwouldhavedrivenoutofNewBaytowntotheawakeningworldofmyfirstmemory.Myfingertracedtheendlesssinuousdesignontheflesh-warmtalismaninmypocket—talisman?

           ThatDeborahwhosentmeasachildtoGolgothawasaprecisemachinewithwords.Shetooknononsensefromthemnorpermittedmealaxity.Whatpowershehad,thatoldwoman!Ifshewantedimmortality,shehaditinmybrain.Seeingmetracethepuzzlewithmyfinger,shesaid,"Ethan,thatoutlandishthingcouldwellbecomeyourtalisman."

           "What’satalisman?"

           "IfItellyou,yourhalf-attentionwillonlyhalflearn.Lookitup."

           SomanywordsareminebecauseAuntDeborahfirstarousedmycuriosityandthenforcedmetosatisfyitbymyowneffort.