Зима тревоги нашей

           Butitwasnojoke.Themiserystayed,notthoughtaboutbutachingaway,andsometimesIwouldhavetoaskmyself,WhydoIache?Mencangetusedtoanything,butittakestime.OncelongagoItookajobwheelingnitroglycerininadynamiteplant.Thepaywashighbecausethestuffistricky.AtfirstIworriedwitheverystepItook,butinaweekorsoitwasonlyajob.Why,I’devengotusedtobeingagroceryclerk.There’ssomethingdesirableaboutanythingyou’reusedtoasopposedtosomethingyou’renot.

           Inthedarkwiththeredspotsswimminginmyeyes,Iinquiredofmyselfconcerningwhattheyusedtocallmattersofconscience,andIcouldfindnowound.Iaskedwhether,havingsetmycourse,IcouldchangedirectionorevenreversethecompassninetydegreesandIthoughtIcouldbutIdidn’twantto.

           Ihadanewdimension,andIwasfascinatedwithit.Itwaslikediscoveringanunusedsetofmusclesorhavingcometruethechild’sdreamthatIcouldfly.OftenIcanreplayevents,scenes,conversations,andpickupfromtherepeatdetailswhichescapedmeatfirstshowing.

           MaryfoundstrangenessinMarullo’scomingtothehousewithcandyeggs,andItrustMary’ssenseofstrangeness.IhadthoughtofitasathanksofferingbecauseIhadnotcheatedhim.ButMary’squestionmademereinspectforsomethingIknewbuthadpassedby.Marullodidnotrewardforthingspast;hebribedforthingstocome.HewasnotinterestedinmeexceptinsofarasIcouldbeofusetohim.