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           Thestructureofmychangewasfeeling,pressuresfromwithout,Mary’swish,Allen’sdesires,Ellen’sanger,Mr.Baker’shelp.Onlyatthelastwhenthemoveismountedandprepareddoesthoughtplacearoofonthebuildingandbringinwordstoexplainandtojustify.Supposemyhumbleandinterminableclerkshipwasnotvirtueatallbutamorallaziness?Foranysuccess,boldnessisrequired.PerhapsIwassimplytimid,fearfulofconsequences—inaword,lazy.Successfulbusinessinourtownisnotcomplicatedorobscureanditisnotwidelysuccessfuleither,becauseitspracticershavesetartificiallimitsfortheiractivities.Theircrimesarelittlecrimesandsotheirsuccessissmallsuccess.IfthetowngovernmentandthebusinesscomplexofNewBaytownwereeverdeeplyinvestigateditwouldbefoundthatahundredlegalandathousandmoralruleswerebroken,buttheyweresmallviolations—pettylarceny.TheyabolishedpartoftheDecalogueandkepttherest.Andwhenoneofoursuccessfulmenhadwhatheneededorwanted,here-assumedhisvirtueaseasilyaschanginghisshirt,andforallonecouldsee,hetooknohurtfromhisderelictions,alwaysassumingthathedidn’tgetcaught.Didanyofthemthinkaboutthis?Idon’tknow.Andifsmallcrimescouldbecondonedbyself,whynotaquick,harsh,braveone?Ismurderbyslow,steadypressureanylessmurderthanaquickandmercifulknife-thrust?Idon’tfeelguiltfortheGermanlivesItook.SupposeforalimitedtimeIabolishedalltherules,notjustsomeofthem.