Бойцовский клуб

           Thecommissionersaid,no. 

           Anddon’t. 

           Stop. 

           Please. 

           Oh. 

           God. 

           Help. 

           Me. 

           Help. 

           No. 

           Stop. 

           Them. 

           Andthespacemonkeyslipstheknifeinandonlycutsofftherubberband. 

           Sixminutes,total,andweweredone. 

           "Rememberthis,"Tylersaid. "Thepeopleyou’retryingtostepon,we’reeveryoneyoudependon. We’rethepeoplewhodoyourlaundryandcookyourfoodandserveyourdinner. Wemakeyourbed. Weguardyouwhileyou’reasleep. Wedrivetheambulances. Wedirectyourcall. Wearecooksandtaxidriversandweknoweverythingaboutyou. Weprocessyourinsuranceclaimsandcreditcardcharges. Wecontroleverypartofyourlife. 

           "Wearethemiddlechildrenofhistory,raisedbytelevisiontobelievethatsomedaywe’llbemillionaires andmoviestarsandrockstars,butwewon’t. Andwe’rejustlearningthisfact,"Tylersaid. "Sodon’tfuckwithus." 

           Thespacemonkeyhadtopresstheetherdown,hardonthecommissionersobbing andputhimallthewayout. 

           Anotherteamdressedhimandtookhimandhisdoghome. Afterthat,thesecretwasuptohimtokeep. And,no,wedidn’texpectanymorefightclubcrackdown. 

           Hisesteemedhonorwenthomescaredbutintact.