Chapter 16

           JustattheedgeofmyvisionIcanseethatwhiteenamelfaceintheNurses’Station,teeteringoverthedesk,seeitwarpandflowasittriestopullbackintoshape.Therestoftheguysarewatchingtoo,thoughthey’retryingtoactliketheyaren’t.They’retryingtoactliketheystillgottheireyesonnothingbutthatblankTVinfrontofus,butanyonecanseethey’reallsneakinglooksattheBigNursebehindherglassthere,justthesameasIam.Forthefirsttimeshe’sontheothersideoftheglassandgettingatasteofhowitfeelstobewatchedwhenyouwishmorethananythingelsetobeabletopullagreenshadebetweenyourfaceandalltheeyesthatyoucan’tgetawayfrom.

           Theresidents,theblackboys,allthelittlenurses,they’rewatchinghertoo,waitingforhertogodownthehallwhereit’stimeforthemeetingsheherselfcalled,andwaitingtoseehowshe’llactnowthatit’sknownshecanbemadetolosecontrol.Sheknowsthey’rewatching,butshedon’tmove.Notevenwhentheystartstrollingdowntothestaffroomwithouther.Inoticeallthemachineryinthewallisquiet,likeit’sstillwaitingforhertomove.

           There’snomorefoganyplace.

           AllofasuddenIrememberI’msupposedtocleanthestaffroom.Ialwaysgodownandcleanthestaffroomduringthesemeetingstheyhave,beendoingitforyears.ButnowI’mtooscaredtogetoutofmychair.