Над пропастью во ржи

           Ithinkifyoudon’treallylikeagirl,youshouldn’thorsearoundwithheratall,andifyoudolikeher,thenyou’resupposedtolikeherface,andifyoulikeherface,yououghttobecarefulaboutdoingcrumbystufftoit,likesquirtingwateralloverit. It’sreallytoobadthatsomuchcrumbystuffisalotoffunsometimes. Girlsaren’ttoomuchhelp,either,whenyoustarttryingnottogettoocrumby,whenyoustarttryingnottospoilanythingreallygood. Iknewthisonegirl,acoupleofyearsago,thatwasevencrumbierthanIwas. Boy,wasshecrumby! Wehadalotoffun,though,forawhile,inacrumbyway. SexissomethingIreallydon’tunderstandtoohot. Youneverknowwherethehellyouare. Ikeepmakingupthesesexrulesformyself,andthenIbreakthemrightaway. LastyearImadearulethatIwasgoingtoquithorsingaroundwithgirlsthat,deepdown,gavemeapainintheass. Ibrokeit,though,thesameweekImadeit—thesamenight,asamatteroffact. IspentthewholenightneckingwithaterriblephonynamedAnneLouiseSherman. SexissomethingIjustdon’tunderstand. IsweartoGodIdon’t. 

           Istartedtoyingwiththeidea,whileIkeptstandingthere,ofgivingoldJaneabuzz—ImeancallingherlongdistanceatB.M.,whereshewent,insteadofcallinguphermothertofindoutwhenshewascominghome. Youweren’tsupposedtocallstudentsuplateatnight,butIhaditallfiguredout. IwasgoingtotellwhoeveransweredthephonethatIwasheruncle. IwasgoingtosayheraunthadjustgotkilledinacaraccidentandIhadtospeaktoherimmediately. Itwould’veworked,too. TheonlyreasonIdidn’tdoitwasbecauseIwasn’tinthemood. Ifyou’renotinthemood,youcan’tdothatstuffright. 

           AfterawhileIsatdowninachairandsmokedacoupleofcigarettes. Iwasfeelingprettyhorny.Ihavetoadmitit.