Над пропастью во ржи

           That’sthewholetrouble.Youcan’teverfindaplacethat’sniceandpeaceful,becausethereisn’tany.Youmaythinkthereis,butonceyougetthere,whenyou’renotlooking,somebody’llsneakupandwrite"Fuckyou"rightunderyournose.Tryitsometime.Ithink,even,ifIeverdie,andtheystickmeinacemetery,andIhaveatombstoneandall,it’llsay"HoldenCaulfield"onit,andthenwhatyearIwasbornandwhatyearIdied,andthenrightunderthatit’llsay"Fuckyou."I’mpositive,infact.

           AfterIcameoutoftheplacewherethemummieswere,Ihadtogotothebathroom.Isortofhaddiarrhea,ifyouwanttoknowthetruth.Ididn’tmindthediarrheaparttoomuch,butsomethingelsehappened.WhenIwascomingoutofthecan,rightbeforeIgottothedoor,Isortofpassedout.Iwaslucky,though.ImeanIcould’vekilledmyselfwhenIhitthefloor,butallIdidwassortoflandonmyside.itwasafunnything,though.IfeltbetterafterIpassedout.Ireallydid.Myarmsortofhurt,fromwhereIfell,butIdidn’tfeelsodamndizzyanymore.

           Itwasabouttenaftertwelveorsothen,andsoIwentbackandstoodbythedoorandwaitedforoldPhoebe.IthoughthowitmightbethelasttimeI’deverseeheragain.Anyofmyrelatives,Imean.IfiguredI’dprobablyseethemagain,butnotforyears.ImightcomehomewhenIwasaboutthirty-five.Ifigured,incasesomebodygotsickandwantedtoseemebeforetheydied,butthatwouldbetheonlyreasonI’dleavemycabinandcomeback.IevenstartedpicturinghowitwouldbewhenIcameback.Iknewmymother’dgetnervousashellandstarttocryandbegmetostayhomeandnotgobacktomycabin,butI’dgoanyway.I’dbecasualashell.I’dmakehercalmdown,andthenI’dgoovertotheothersideofthelivingroomandtakeoutthiscigarettecaseandlightacigarette,coolasallhell.