Над пропастью во ржи

           IstoodupwhenIorderedthemsotheycouldseehowtallIwasandallandnotthinkIwasagoddamminor.ThenIwatchedthephoniesforawhile.Someguynexttomewassnowinghelloutofthebabehewaswith.Hekepttellinghershehadaristocratichands.Thatkilledme.Theotherendofthebarwasfullofflits.Theyweren’ttooflitty-looking—Imeantheydidn’thavetheirhairtoolongoranything—butyoucouldtelltheywereflitsanyway.FinallyoldLuceshowedup.

           OldLuce.Whataguy.HewassupposedtobemyStudentAdviserwhenIwasatWhooton.Theonlythingheeverdid,though,wasgivethesesextalksandall,lateatnightwhentherewasabunchofguysinhisroom.Heknewquiteabitaboutsex,especiallypervertsandall.Hewasalwaystellingusaboutalotofcreepyguysthatgoaroundhavingaffairswithsheep,andguysthatgoaroundwithgirls’pantssewedintheliningoftheirhatsandall.AndflitsandLesbians.OldLuceknewwhoeveryflitandLesbianintheUnitedStateswas.Allyouhadtodowasmentionsomebody—anybody—andoldLuce’dtellyouifhewasaflitornot.Sometimesitwashardtobelieve,thepeoplehesaidwereflitsandLesbiansandall,movieactorsandlikethat.Someoftheoneshesaidwereflitswereevenmarried,forGod’ssake.You’dkeepsayingtohim,"YoumeanJoeBlow’saflit?JoeBlow?Thatbig,toughguythatplaysgangstersandcowboysallthetime?"OldLuce’dsay,"Certainly."Hewasalwayssaying"Certainly."Hesaiditdidn’tmatterifaguywasmarriedornot.Hesaidhalfthemarriedguysintheworldwereflitsanddidn’tevenknowit.Hesaidyoucouldturnintoonepracticallyovernight,ifyouhadallthetraitsandall.Heusedtoscarethehelloutofus.Ikeptwaitingtoturnintoaflitorsomething.ThefunnythingaboutoldLuce,Iusedtothinkhewassortofflittyhimself,inaway.