Part III

           Aweekpassedingloryandgladness.

           Ihadgotovertheworstthistime,too.Ihadhadfoodeveryday,andmycouragerose,andIthrustoneironaftertheotherintothefire.

           Iwasworkingatthreeorfourarticles,thatplunderedmypoorbrainofeveryspark,everythoughtthatroseinit;andyetIfanciedthatIwrotewithmorefacilitythanbefore.

           ThelastarticlewithwhichIhadracedaboutsomuch,anduponwhichIhadbuiltsuchhopes,hadalreadybeenreturnedtomebytheeditor;and,angryandwoundedasIwas,Ihaddestroyeditimmediately,withoutevenre-readingitagain.Infuture,Iwouldtryanotherpaperinordertoopenupmorefieldsformywork.

           Supposingthatwritingweretofail,andtheworstweretocometotheworst,Istillhadtheshipstotaketo.TheNunlayalongsidethewharf,readytosail,andImight,perhaps,workmywayouttoArchangel,orwhereverelseshemightbebound;therewasnolackofopeningsonmanysides.Thelastcrisishaddealtratherroughlywithme.Myhairfelloutinmasses,andIwasmuchtroubledwithheadaches,particularlyinthemorning,andmynervousnessdiedaharddeath.Isatandwroteduringthedaywithmyhandsboundupinrags,simplybecauseIcouldnotendurethetouchofmyownbreathuponthem.IfJensOlajbangedthestabledoorunderneathme,orifadogcameintotheyardandcommencedtobark,itthrilledthroughmyverymarrowlikeicystabspiercingmefromeveryside.Iwasprettywellplayedout.