Человек в высоком замке

           He’sbrokenme,Childanalmostsaidaloud—fortunately,however,hemanagedtokeepitonlyathought;asbefore,hehelditinhisinteriorworld,apartandsecret,forhimselfalone.Humiliatedmeandmyrace.AndI’mhelpless.There’snoavengingthis;wearedefeatedandourdefeatsarelikethis,sotenuous,sodelicate,thatwe’rehardlyabletoperceivethem.Infact,wehavetoriseanotchinourevolutiontoknowiteverhappened.

           Whatmoreproofcouldbepresented,astotheJapanesefitnesstorule?Hefeltlikelaughing,possiblywithappreciation.Yes,hethought,that’swhatitis,aswhenonehearsachoiceanecdote.I’vegottorecallit,savoritlateron,evenrelateit.Buttowhom?Problem,there.Toopersonalfornarration.

           InthecornerofPaul’sofficeawastebasket.Intoit!RobertChildansaidtohimself,withthisblob,thiswu-riddenpieceofjewelry.

           CouldIdoit?Tossitaway?EndthesituationbeforePaul’seyes?

           Can’teventossitaway,hediscoveredashegrippedthepiece.Mustnot—ifyouanticipatefacingyourJapanesefellowmanagain.

           Damnthem,Ican’tfreemyselfoftheirinfluence,can’tgiveintoimpulse.Allspontaneitycrushed…Paulscrutinizedhim,needingtosaynothing;theman’sverypresenceenough.Gotmyconsciencesnared,hasrunaninvisiblestringfromthisblobinmyhandsupmyarmtomysoul.

           GuessI’velivedaroundthemtoolong.Toolatenowtoflee,togetbackamongwhitesandwhiteways.