Атлант расправил плечи
The Non-commercial
Whenhelayexhausted,hiseyesclosed,stillbreathingingasps,shewouldturnonthelight,pickupthebookandcontinueherreading.
Hetoldhimselfthathedeservedthetorture,becausehehadwishednevertotouchheragainandwasunabletomaintainhisdecision.Hedespisedhimselfforthat.Hedespisedaneedwhichnowheldnoshredofjoyormeaning,whichhadbecomethemereneedofawoman’sbody,ananonymousbodythatbelongedtoawomanwhomhehadtoforgetwhileheheldit.Hebecameconvincedthattheneedwasdepravity.
HedidnotcondemnLillian.Hefeltadreary,indifferentrespectforher.Hishatredofhisowndesirehadmadehimacceptthedoctrinethatwomenwerepureandthatapurewomanwasoneincapableofphysicalpleasure.
Throughthequietagonyoftheyearsofhismarriage,therehadbeenonethoughtwhichhewouldnotpermithimselftoconsider:thethoughtofinfidelity.Hehadgivenhisword.Heintendedtokeepit.ItwasnotloyaltytoLillian;itwasnotthepersonofLillianthathewishedtoprotectfromdishonor—butthepersonofhiswife.
Hethoughtofthatnow,standingatthewindow.Hehadnotwantedtoenterherroom.Hehadfoughtagainstit.Hehadfought,morefiercely,againstknowingtheparticularreasonwhyhewouldnotbeabletowithstandittonight.Then,seeingher,hehadknownsuddenlythathewouldnottouchher.Thereasonwhichhaddrivenhimheretonightwasthereasonwhichmadeitimpossibleforhim.
