Атлант расправил плечи
The Non-commercial
Hehadmovedtowardhisgoal,sweepingasideeverythingthatdidnotpertaintoitintheworldandinhimself.Hisdedicationtohisworkwaslikeoneofthefireshedealtwith,afirethatburnedeverylesserelement,everyimpurityoutofthewhitestreamofasinglemetal.Hewasincapableofhalfwayconcerns.Butthereweretimeswhenhefeltasuddenaccessofdesire,soviolentthatitcouldnotbegiventoacasualencounter.Hehadsurrenderedtoit,onafewrareoccasionsthroughtheyears,withwomenhehadthoughtheliked.Hehadbeenleftfeelinganangryemptiness—becausehehadsoughtanactoftriumph,thoughhehadnotknownofwhatnature,buttheresponsehereceivedwasonlyawoman’sacceptanceofacasualpleasure,andheknewtooclearlythatwhathehadwonhadnomeaning.Hewasleft,notwithasenseofattainment,butwithasenseofhisowndegradation.Hegrewtohatehisdesire.Hefoughtit.Hecametobelievethedoctrinethatthisdesirewaswhollyphysical,adesire,notofconsciousness,butofmatter,andherebelledagainstthethoughtthathisfleshcouldbefreetochooseandthatitschoicewasimpervioustothewillofhismind.Hehadspenthislifeinminesandmills,shapingmattertohiswishesbythepowerofhisbrain—andhefounditintolerablethatheshouldbeunabletocontrolthematterofhisownbody.Hefoughtit.Hehadwonhiseverybattleagainstinanimatenature;butthiswasabattlehelost.
ItwasthedifficultyoftheconquestthatmadehimwantLillian.
