Если я останусь

           Evengoingtojailwouldbeeasycomparedtolosingyou."

           IknowthatKim’stellingmethistotrytokeepmealive.Sheprobablydoesn’trealizethatinaweirdway,herremarkfreesme,justlikeGramps’spermissiondid.IknowitwillbeawfulforKimwhenIdie,butIalsothinkaboutwhatshesaid,aboutnotbeingscared,aboutjailbeingeasycomparedtolosingme.Andthat’showIknowthatKimwillbeokay.Losingmewillhurt;itwillbethekindofpainthatwon’tfeelrealatfirst,andwhenitdoes,itwilltakeherbreathaway.Andtherestofhersenioryearwillprobablysuck,whatwithhergettingallthatcloyingyour-best-friend’s-deadsympathythatwilldrivehersocrazy,andalsobecausereally,weareeachother’sonlyclosefriendatschool.Butshe’lldeal.She’llmoveon.She’llleaveOregon.She’llgotocollege.She’llmakenewfriends.She’llfallinlove.She’llbecomeaphotographer,thekindwhoneverhastogoonahelicopter.AndIbetshe’llbeastrongerpersonbecauseofwhatshe’slosttoday.Ihaveafeelingthatonceyoulivethroughsomethinglikethis,youbecomealittlebitinvincible.

           Iknowthatmakesmeabitofahypocrite.Ifthat’sthecase,shouldn’tIstay?Soldierthroughit?MaybeifI’dhadsomepractice,maybeifI’dhadmoredevastationinmylife,Iwouldbemorepreparedtogoon.It’snotthatmylifehasbeenperfect.I’vehaddisappointmentsandI’vebeenlonelyandfrustratedandangryandallthecrappystuffeveryonefeels.