Если я останусь
2:48 A.M.
AndwhataboutTeddy?DidhewanttogowithMomandDad?DidheknowthatIwasstillhere?Evenifhedid,Iwouldn’tblamehimforchoosingtogowithoutme.He’slittle.Hewasprobablyscared.Isuddenlypicturehimaloneandfrightened,andforthefirsttimeinmylife,IhopethatGranisrightabouttheangels.IpraytheywerealltoobusycomfortingTeddytoworryaboutme.
Whycan’tsomeoneelsedecidethisforme?Whycan’tIgetadeathproxy?Ordowhatbaseballteamsdowhenit’slateinthegameandtheyneedasolidbattertobringtheguysonbasehome?Can’tIhaveapinchhittertotakemehome?
Granisgone.Willowisgone.TheICUistranquil.Iclosemyeyes.WhenIopenthemagain,Grampsisthere.He’scrying.He’snotmakinganynoise,buttearsarecascadingdownhischeeks,wettinghisentireface.I’veneverseenanyonecrylikethis.Quietbutgushing,afaucetbehindhiseyesmysteriouslyturnedon.Thetearsfallontomyblanket,ontomyfreshlycombedhair.Plink.Plink.Plink.
Grampsdoesn’twipehisfaceorblowhisnose.Hejustletsthetearsfallwheretheymay.Andwhenthewellofgriefismomentarilydry,hestepsforwardandkissesmeontheforehead.Helookslikehe’sabouttoleave,butthenhedoublesbacktomybedside,bendssohisfaceislevelwithmyear,andwhispersintoit.
"It’sokay,"hetellsme."Ifyouwanttogo.Everyonewantsyoutostay.IwantyoutostaymorethanI’veeverwantedanythinginmylife."Hisvoicecrackswithemotion.
