1984

           Verylikelytheconfessionshadbeenrewrittenandrewrittenuntiltheoriginalfactsanddatesnolongerhadthesmallestsignificance. Thepastnotonlychanged,butchangedcontinuously. Whatmostafflictedhimwiththesenseofnightmarewasthathehadneverclearlyunderstoodwhythehugeimposturewasundertaken. Theimmediateadvantagesoffalsifyingthepastwereobvious,buttheultimatemotivewasmysterious. Hetookuphispenagainandwrote: 

           IunderstandHOW:IdonotunderstandWHY. 

           Hewondered,ashehadmanytimeswonderedbefore,whetherhehimselfwasalunatic. Perhapsalunaticwassimplyaminorityofone. Atonetimeithadbeenasignofmadnesstobelievethattheearthgoesroundthesun;today,tobelievethatthepastisunalterable. HemightbeALONEinholdingthatbelief,andifalone,thenalunatic. Butthethoughtofbeingalunaticdidnotgreatlytroublehim:thehorrorwasthathemightalsobewrong. 

           Hepickedupthechildren’shistorybookandlookedattheportraitofBigBrotherwhichformeditsfrontispiece. Thehypnoticeyesgazedintohisown. Itwasasthoughsomehugeforcewerepressingdownuponyou—somethingthatpenetratedinsideyourskull,batteringagainstyourbrain,frighteningyououtofyourbeliefs,persuadingyou,almost,todenytheevidenceofyoursenses. IntheendthePartywouldannouncethattwoandtwomadefive,andyouwouldhavetobelieveit. Itwasinevitablethattheyshouldmakethatclaimsoonerorlater:thelogicoftheirpositiondemandedit. Notmerelythevalidityofexperience,buttheveryexistenceofexternalreality,wastacitlydeniedbytheirphilosophy. Theheresyofheresieswascommonsense. Andwhatwasterrifyingwasnotthattheywouldkillyouforthinkingotherwise,butthattheymightberight.