1984

           Thereweretimeswhenherolledaboutthefloor,asshamelessasananimal,writhinghisbodythiswayandthatinanendless,hopelessefforttododgethekicks,andsimplyinvitingmoreandyetmorekicks,inhisribs,inhisbelly,onhiselbows,onhisshins,inhisgroin,inhistesticles,ontheboneatthebaseofhisspine. Thereweretimeswhenitwentonandonuntilthecruel,wicked,unforgivablethingseemedtohimnotthattheguardscontinuedtobeathimbutthathecouldnotforcehimselfintolosingconsciousness. Thereweretimeswhenhisnervesoforsookhimthathebeganshoutingformercyevenbeforethebeatingbegan,whenthemeresightofafistdrawnbackforablowwasenoughtomakehimpourforthaconfessionofrealandimaginarycrimes. Therewereothertimeswhenhestartedoutwiththeresolveofconfessingnothing,wheneverywordhadtobeforcedoutofhimbetweengaspsofpain,andthereweretimeswhenhefeeblytriedtocompromise,whenhesaidtohimself: ‘Iwillconfess,butnotyet. Imustholdouttillthepainbecomesunbearable. Threemorekicks,twomorekicks,andthenIwilltellthemwhattheywant.’ Sometimeshewasbeatentillhecouldhardlystand,thenflunglikeasackofpotatoesontothestonefloorofacell,lefttorecuperateforafewhours,andthentakenoutandbeatenagain. Therewerealsolongerperiodsofrecovery. Herememberedthemdimly,becausetheywerespentchieflyinsleeporstupor. Herememberedacellwithaplankbed,asortofshelfstickingoutfromthewall,andatinwash-basin,andmealsofhotsoupandbreadandsometimescoffee. Herememberedasurlybarberarrivingtoscrapehischinandcrophishair,andbusinesslike,unsympatheticmeninwhitecoatsfeelinghispulse,tappinghisreflexes,turninguphiseyelids,runningharshfingersoverhiminsearchforbrokenbones,andshootingneedlesintohisarmtomakehimsleep.