Коллекционер

           Butisitbecausetheyarelikehim?Orbecausetheyjustcouldn’tcareless?Imean,doesitreallyborethem(sothattheydon’tneeditatallintheirlives)ordoesitsecretlyshockanddismaythem,sothattheyhavetopretendtobebored?

           November23rd

           I’vejustfinishedSaturdayNightandSundayMorning.It’sshockedme.It’sshockedmeinitselfandit’sshockedmebe-causeofwhereIam.

           ItshockedmeinthesamewayasRoomattheTopshockedmewhenIreaditlastyear.Iknowthey’reveryclever,itmustbewonderfultobeabletowritelikeAlanSillitoe.Real,unphoney.Sayingwhatyoumean.Ifhewasapainteritwouldbewonderful(he’dbelikeJohnBratby,muchbetter)he’dbeabletosetNottinghamdownanditwouldbewonderfulinpaint.Becausehepaintedsowell,putdownwhathesaw,peoplewouldadmirehim.Butitisn’tenoughtowritewell(Imeanchoosetherightwordsandsoon)tobeagoodwriter.BecauseIthinkSaturdayNightandSundayMorningisdisgusting.IthinkArthurSeatonisdisgusting.AndIthinkthemostdisgustingthingofallisthatAlanSillitoedoesn’tshowthathe’sdisgustedbyhisyoungman.Ithinktheythinkyoungmenlikethatarereallyratherfine.

           IhatedthewayArthurSeatonjustdoesn’tcareaboutanythingoutsidehisownlittlelife.He’smean,narrow,selfish,brutal.Becausehe’scheekyandhateshisworkandissuccessfulwithwomen,he’ssupposedtobevital.