Коллекционер

           They’vemostlybroughtmeunhappiness.Themosthasbeenbroughtbytherelationshipsthatweresupposedtobepureandnoble.There—hepointedataphotoofhistwosons—that’sthefinefruitofanoblerelationship.

           Iwentandgotmycoffeeandleantagainstthebench,awayfromhim.

           Robert’sonlyfouryearsyoungerthanyouarenow,hesaid.Don’tdrinkityet.Letthegroundssettle.

           Hedidn’tseematease.Asifhehadtotalk.Beonthedefensive.Disillusionmeandgetmysympathyatthesametime.

           Hesaid,lustissimple.Youreachanunderstandingatonce.Youbothwanttogetintobedoroneofyoudoesn’t.Butlove.ThewomenI’velovedhavealwaystoldmeI’mselfish.It’swhatmakesthemloveme.Andthenbedisgustedwithme.Doyouknowwhattheyalwaysthinkisselfishness?HewasscrapingtheglueawayfromabrokenChineseblue-and-whitebowlhe’dboughtinthePortobelloRoad,andrepaired,twofiendishlyexcitedhorsemenchasingatimidlittlefallow-deer.Veryshort-fingered,surehands.NotthatIwillpaintinmyownway,liveinmyownway,speakinmyownway—theydon’tmindthat.Itevenexcitesthem.Butwhattheycan’tstandisthatIhatethemwhentheydon’tbehaveintheirownway.

           ItwasasifIwasanotherman.

           PeoplelikeyourbloodyauntthinkI’macynic,awreckerofhomes.Arake.I’veneverseducedawomaninmylife.