Коллекционер
Chapter 2
ItoldCarolineI’dmethimbychance.Hehadsaidhewassorry(lie).Ifshe’dratherIdidn’tseehim,Iwouldn’t.ButIfoundhimverystimulatingtobewith,fullofideas,Ineededtomeetsuchpeople.Itwastoobadofme,IknewshewoulddothedecentthingifIputitlitethat.Iwasmyownmistress—andsoon.
Andthenshesaid,darling,youknowI’mthelastpersontobeaprude,buthisreputation...theremustbefire,there’ssomuchsmoke.
Isaid,I’dheardaboutit.Icouldlookaftermyself.
It’sherownfault.Sheshouldn’tinsistonbeingcalledCarolineandtreatedlikeagirlinsomanyways.Ican’trespectherasanaunt.Asagiverofadvice.
Everything’schanging.Ikeeponthinkingofhim:ofthingshesaidandIsaid,andhowweneitherofusreallyunderstoodwhattheothermeant.No,heunderstood,Ithink.HecountspossibilitiessomuchfasterthanIcan.I’mgrowingupsoquicklydownhere.Likeamushroom.OrisitthatI’velostmysenseofbalance?Perhapsit’salladream.Ijabmyselfwiththepencil.Butperhapsthat’sadream,too.
IfhecametothedoornowIshouldrunintohisarms.Ishouldwanthimtoholdmyhandforweeks.ImeanIbelieveIcouldlovehimintheotherway,hisway,now.
October23rd
Thecurseiswithme.I’mabitchtoC.Nomercy.It’sthelackofprivacyontopofeverythingelse.Imadehimletmewalkinthecellarthismorning.IthinkIcouldhearatractorworking.Andsparrows.Sodaylight,sparrows.Anaeroplane.
