Коллекционер

           Wordsaresocrude,soterriblyprimitivecomparedtodrawing,painting,sculpture."IsatonmybedandhesatbythedoorandwetalkedandItriedtopersuadehimtousehismoneytoeducatehimselfandhesaidhewouldbutIdidn’tfeelconvinced."Likeamessydaub.

           Liketryingtodrawwithabrokenlead.

           Allthisismyownthinking.

           IneedtoseeG.P.He’dtellmethenamesoftenbookswhereit’sallsaidmuchbetter.

           HowIhateignorance!Caliban’signorance,myignorance,theworld’signorance!Oh,Icouldlearnandlearnandlearnandlearn.Icouldcry,Iwanttolearnsomuch.

           Gaggedandbound.

           I’llputthistobedwhereitlivesunderthemattress.ThenI’llpraytoGodforlearning.

           October22nd

           Afortnighttoday.Ihavemarkedthedaysonthesideofthescreen,likeRobinsonCrusoe.

           Ifeeldepressed.Sleepless.Imust,must,mustescape.

           I’mgettingsopale.Ifeelill,weak,allthetime.

           Thisterriblesilence.

           He’ssowithoutmercy.Soincomprehensible.Whatdoeshewant?Whatistohappen?

           HemustseeI’mgettingill.

           ItoldhimthiseveningthatImusthavesomedaylight.ImadehimlookatmeandseehowpaleIam.

           Tomorrow,tomorrow.Heneversaysnooutright.

           TodayI’vebeenthinkinghecouldkeepmehereforever.Itwouldn’tbeverylong,becauseI’ddie.It’sabsurd,it’sdiabolical—butthereisnowayofescape.I’vebeentryingtofindloosestonesagain.Icoulddigatunnelroundthedoor.Icoulddigatunnelrightout.