Коллекционер

           Igotosleepwithoneglowingbesidemenow.BeforethatIleftthelighton.

           Wakingupistheworstthing.IwakeupandforamomentIthinkI’mathomeoratCaroline’s.Thenithitsme.

           Idon’tknowifIbelieveinGod.IprayedtohimfuriouslyinthevanwhenIthoughtIwasgoingtodie(that’saproofagainst,IcanhearG.P.saying).Butprayingmakesthingseasier.

           It’sallbitsandpieces.Ican’tconcentrate.I’vethoughtsomanythings,andnowIcan’tthinkofone.

           Butitmakesmefeelcalmer.Theillusion,anyway.Likeworkingouthowmuchmoneyone’sspent.Andhowmuchisleft.

           October15th

           Hehasneverhadanyparents,he’sbeenbroughtupbyanaunt.Icanseeher.Athinwomanwithawhitefaceandanastytightmouthandmeangreyeyesanddowdybeigetea-cosyhatsandathingaboutdirtanddust.Dirtanddustbeingeverythingoutsideherfoullittleback-streetworld.

           Itoldhimhewaslookingforthemotherhe’dneverhad,butofcoursehewouldn’tlisten.

           Hedoesn’tbelieveinGod.Thatmakesmewanttobelieve.

           Italkedaboutme.AboutDandM,inabrightlittlematter-of-factvoice.HeknewaboutM.Isupposethewholetownknows.

           MytheoryisthatIhavetounmartyrhim.

           Thetimeinprison.Endlesstime.

           Thefirstmorning.Heknockedonthedoorandwaitedtenminutes(ashealwaysdoes).Itwasn’tanicetenminutes,alltheconsolingthoughtsI’dscrapedtogetherduringthenighttanawayandIwasleftalone.