Chapter 23

           AfterJuliahadmadeuphermindtothatshewasglad.Theprospectofgettingawayfromthemiserythattormentedheratoncemadeiteasiertobear.Thenoticeswereputup;Michaelcollectedhiscastfortherevivalandstartedrehearsals.ItamusedJuliatositidlyinastallandwatchtheactresswhohadbeenengagedrehearsethepartwhichshehadplayedherselfsomeyearsbefore.Shehadneverlostthethrillitgaveherwhenshefirstwentonthestagetositinthedarkenedplayhouse,underdust-sheets,andseethecharactersgrowintheactors’hands.Merelytobeinsideatheatrerestedher;nowherewasshesohappy.Watchingtherehearsalsshewasabletorelaxsothatwhenatnightshehadherownperformancetogiveshefeltfresh.SherealizedthatallMichaelhadsaidwastrue.Shetookholdofherself.Thrustingherprivateemotionintothebackgroundandthusgettingthecharacterundercontrol,shemanagedoncemoretoplaywithheraccustomedvirtuosity.Heractingceasedtobeameansbywhichshegavereleasetoherfeelingsandwasagainthemanifestationofhercreativeinstinct.Shegotaquietexhilarationoutofthusrecoveringmasteryoverhermedium.Itgaveherasenseofpowerandofliberation.

           Butthetriumphanteffortshemadetookitoutofher,andwhenshewasnotinthetheatreshefeltlistlessanddiscouraged.Shelostherexuberantvitality.Anewhumilityovercameher.Shehadafeelingthatherdaywasdone.Shesighedasshetoldherselfthatnobodywantedheranymore.