Поющие в терновнике
Chapter 14
Hecouldfeelhisbrainclickingintotheformalityalready,feeltheverythoughtsinhismindtakeonmorestiltedphrasing;morethanmostpeople,RalphdeBricassartknewhoweverythingaboutonechangedwithone’scompany,evenone’sspeech.NotfortheseearstheeasyfluencyofcolloquialEnglish.Sohesatdownnotfaraway,anddirectlyoppositetheslightfigureinitsscarletmoiré,thecolorchangingyetnotchanging,ofaqualitywhichmadeitsedgesfusewiththesurroundingsratherthanstandoutfromthem.
Thedesperatewearinesshehadknownforweeksseemedtobeeasingalittlefromhisshoulders;hewonderedwhyhehaddreadedthismeetingso,whenhehadsurelyknowninhishearthewouldbeunderstood,forgiven.Butthatwasn’tit,notitatall.Itwashisownguiltathavingfailed,atbeinglessthanhehadaspiredtobe,atdisappointingamanwhohadbeeninterested,tremendouslykind,atruefriend.Hisguiltatwalkingintothispurepresencenolongerpurehimself.
"Ralph,wearepriests,butwearesomethingelsebeforethat;somethingwewerebeforewebecamepriests,andwhichwecannotescapeinspiteofourexclusiveness.Wearemen,withtheweaknessesandfailingsofmen.ThereisnothingyoucantellmewhichcouldaltertheimpressionsIformedofyouduringouryearstogether,nothingyoucouldtellmewhichwillmakemethinklessofyou,orlikeyouless.FormanyyearsIhaveknownthatyouhadescapedthisrealizationofourintrinsicweakness,ofourhumanity,butIknewyoumustcometoit,forwealldo.
