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Chapter 14

           Hecouldfeelhisbrainclickingintotheformalityalready,feeltheverythoughtsinhismindtakeonmorestiltedphrasing;morethanmostpeople,RalphdeBricassartknewhoweverythingaboutonechangedwithone’scompany,evenone’sspeech.NotfortheseearstheeasyfluencyofcolloquialEnglish.Sohesatdownnotfaraway,anddirectlyoppositetheslightfigureinitsscarletmoiré,thecolorchangingyetnotchanging,ofaqualitywhichmadeitsedgesfusewiththesurroundingsratherthanstandoutfromthem.

           Thedesperatewearinesshehadknownforweeksseemedtobeeasingalittlefromhisshoulders;hewonderedwhyhehaddreadedthismeetingso,whenhehadsurelyknowninhishearthewouldbeunderstood,forgiven.Butthatwasn’tit,notitatall.Itwashisownguiltathavingfailed,atbeinglessthanhehadaspiredtobe,atdisappointingamanwhohadbeeninterested,tremendouslykind,atruefriend.Hisguiltatwalkingintothispurepresencenolongerpurehimself.

           "Ralph,wearepriests,butwearesomethingelsebeforethat;somethingwewerebeforewebecamepriests,andwhichwecannotescapeinspiteofourexclusiveness.Wearemen,withtheweaknessesandfailingsofmen.ThereisnothingyoucantellmewhichcouldaltertheimpressionsIformedofyouduringouryearstogether,nothingyoucouldtellmewhichwillmakemethinklessofyou,orlikeyouless.FormanyyearsIhaveknownthatyouhadescapedthisrealizationofourintrinsicweakness,ofourhumanity,butIknewyoumustcometoit,forwealldo.

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