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Chapter 10

           WhatdisgraceandhumiliationpoorMummusthavegonethroughoverFrank.Nowondershewasthewayshewas.Ifithappenedtoher,Meggiethought,shewouldwanttodie.Inbooksonlythelowest,cheapestgirlshadbabiesoutsideofmarriage;yetMumwasn’tcheap,couldneverhavebeencheap.WithallherheartMeggiewishedMumcouldtalktoheraboutit,orthatsheherselfhadthecouragetobringupthesubject.Perhapsinsomesmallwayshemighthavebeenabletohelp.ButMumwasn’tthesortofpersononecouldapproach,norwouldMumdotheapproaching.Meggiesighedatherselfinthemirror,andhopednothinglikethateverhappenedtoher.

           Yetshewasyoung;attimeslikethis,staringatherselfintheashes-of-rosesdress,shewantedtofeel,wantedemotiontoblowoverherlikeastronghotwind.Shedidn’twanttoplodlikealittleautomatonfortherestofherlife,shewantedchangeandvitalityandlove.Love,andahusband,andbabies.Whatwastheuseofhungeringafteramanshecouldneverhave?Hedidn’twanther,heneverwouldwanther.Hesaidhelovedher,butnotasahusbandwouldloveher.BecausehewasmarriedtotheChurch.Didallmendothat,lovesomeinanimatethingmorethantheycouldloveawoman?No,surelynotallmen.Thedifficultones,perhaps,thecomplexoneswiththeirseasofdoubtsandobjections,rationalities.Buttherehadtobesimplermen,menwhocouldsurelyloveawomanbeforeallelse.MenlikeLukeO’Neill,forinstance.

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