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Chapter 41

           Anothernursecamealong.Shewashurryingtoo.

           "Yougorightinthere.Gorightin,"shesaid.

           "I’mstayingoutside."

           Shehurriedin.Iwalkedupanddownthehall.Iwasafraidtogoin.Ilookedoutthewindow.ItwasdarkbutinthelightfromthewindowIcouldseeitwasraining.Iwentintoaroomatthefarendofthehallandlookedatthelabelsonbottlesinaglasscase.ThenIcameoutandstoodintheemptyhallandwatchedthedooroftheoperatingroom.

           Adoctorcameoutfollowedbyanurse.Heheldsomethinginhistwohandsthatlookedlikeafreshlyskinnedrabbitandhurriedacrossthecorridorwithitandinthroughanotherdoor.Iwentdowntothedoorhehadgoneintoandfoundthemintheroomdoingthingstoanew-bornchild.Thedoctorheldhimupformetosee.Heheldhimbytheheelsandslappedhim.

           "Isheallright?"

           "He’smagnificent.He’llweighfivekilos."

           Ihadnofeelingforhim.Hedidnotseemtohaveanythingtodowithme.Ifeltnofeelingoffatherhood.

           "Aren’tyouproudofyourson?"thenurseasked.Theywerewashinghimandwrappinghiminsomething.Isawthelittledarkfaceanddarkhand,butIdidnotseehimmoveorhearhimcry.Thedoctorwasdoingsomethingtohimagain.Helookedupset.

           "No,"Isaid."Henearlykilledhismother."

           "Itisn’tthelittledarling’sfault.Didn’tyouwantaboy?"

           "No,"Isaid.Thedoctorwasbusywithhim.Heheldhimupbythefeetandslappedhim.Ididnotwaittoseeit.Iwentoutinthehall.Icouldgoinnowandsee.

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