Chapter 34

           IncivilianclothesIfeltamasquerader.IhadbeeninuniformalongtimeandImissedthefeelingofbeingheldbyyourclothes.Thetrousersfeltveryfloppy.IhadboughtaticketatMilanforStresa.Ihadalsoboughtanewhat.IcouldnotwearSim’shatbuthisclotheswerefine.TheysmelledoftobaccoandasIsatinthecompartmentandlookedoutthewindowthenewhatfeltverynewandtheclothesveryold.ImyselffeltassadasthewetLombardcountrythatwasoutsidethroughthewindow.Thereweresomeaviatorsinthecompartmentwhodidnotthinkmuchofme.Theyavoidedlookingatmeandwereveryscornfulofacivilianmyage.Ididnotfeelinsulted.IntheolddaysIwouldhaveinsultedthemandpickedafight.TheygotoffatGallarateandIwasgladtobealone.IhadthepaperbutIdidnotreaditbecauseIdidnotwanttoreadaboutthewar.Iwasgoingtoforgetthewar.Ihadmadeaseparatepeace.IfeltdamnedlonelyandwasgladwhenthetraingottoStresa.

           AtthestationIhadexpectedtoseetheportersfromthehotelsbuttherewasnoone.Theseasonhadbeenoveralongtimeandnoonemetthetrain.Igotdownfromthetrainwithmybag,itwasSim’sbag,andverylighttocarry,beingemptyexceptfortwoshirts,andstoodundertheroofofthestationintherainwhilethetrainwenton.Ifoundamaninthestationandaskedhimifheknewwhathotelswereopen.TheGrand-Hôtel&desIslesBorroméeswasopenandseveralsmallhotelsthatstayedopenalltheyear.IstartedintherainfortheIslesBorroméescarryingmybag.