Американская трагедия

Chapter 38

           Hemightjustgoawayalone,ashehadoncesaidinconnectionwithinadvertentlylosinghisjobbecauseofher.Andhowmuchgreatermightnothisimpulseinthatdirectionnowbe,ifthisworldhereinwhichhewassomuchinterestedweretakenawayfromhim,andheweretofacethenecessityoftakingherandachild,too.Itmadehermorecautiousandcausedhertomodifyherfirstimpulsetospeakoutdefinitelyandforcefully,howevergreathernecessitymightbe.AndsodisturbedwashebythepanoramaofthebrightworldofwhichSondrawasthecenterandwhichwasnowatstake,thathecouldscarcelythinkclearly.ShouldheloseallthisforsuchaworldasheandRobertacouldprovideforthemselvesasmallhomeababy,sucharoutinework-a-daylifeastakingcareofherandababyonsuchasalaryashecouldearn,andfromwhichmostlikelyhewouldneveragainbefreed!God!Asenseofnauseaseizedhim.Hecouldnotandwouldnotdothis.Andyet,ashenowsaw,allhisdreamscouldbesoeasilytumbledabouthisearsbyherandbecauseofonefalsesteponhispart.Itmadehimcautiousandforthefirsttimeinhislifecausedtactandcunningtovisualizeitselfasaprofoundnecessity.

           Andatthesametime,Clydewassensinginwardlyandsomewhatshamefacedlyallofthisprofoundchangeinhimself.

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