Чума
Part II
Atthesametimeasavoidingthecollapsethattheywishedtoavertatanyprice,theyalsodeprivedthemselvesofthosemoments,actuallyquitefrequent,whentheymighthaveforgottentheplaguebyimaginingtheircomingreunionwiththeonestheyloved.Hence,founderinghalfwaybetweentheabyssandthepeak,theydriftedratherthanlived,givenuptoaimlessdaysandsterilememories,wanderingshadowswhocouldonlyhavefoundstrengthbyresigningthemselvestotakingrootinthesoiloftheirdistress.
Thustheyenduredthatprofoundmiseryofallprisonersandallexiles,whichistolivewithamemorythatisofnousetothem.Eventhepast,whichtheythoughtofendlessly,hadonlythetasteofremorseandlonging.Theywouldhavelikedtobeabletoaddtoiteverythingthattheyregrettednothavingdonewhentheycoulddoit,withthepersonforwhomtheywerewaiting—justastheybroughttheabsentoneintoeverysituationoftheirlifeasprisoners,eventherelativelyhappyones,makingtheminevitablydissatisfiedwithwhattheynowwere.Impatientwiththepresent,hostiletothepastanddeprivedofafuture,wereallydidthenresemblethosewhomjusticeorhumanhatredhasforcedtolivebehindbars.Inthelastresort,theonlywaytoescapethisunbearableholidaywastomakethetrainsrunagaininourimaginationandtofillthehourswiththerepeatedringingofthedoorbell,howeversilentitobstinatelyremained.
But,thoughthiswasexile,inmostcasesitwasexileathome.
