Чума
Part IV
Hesatdownonabenchbetweenthedustylittletreesandwipedawaythesweatthatwasalreadyrunningintohiseyes.Hewantedtoshoutoutagain,tountiethedreadfulknotcrushinghisheart.Theheatflowedslowlydownbetweenthebranchesofthefigtrees.Thebluemorningskywasquicklycoveredbyawhitishfilmthatmadetheairmorestiflingthanever.Rieuxslumpedbackonthebench.Hewatchedthebranchesandthesky,graduallygettingbackhisbreathandbitbybitreabsorbinghisfatigue.
"Whydidyouspeaktomewithsuchangerjustnow?"saidavoicebehindhim."I,too,foundthatunbearabletowatch."
RieuxturnedroundtoPaneloux.
"That’strue,"hesaid."Forgiveme.Buttirednessisaformofmadness.AndtherearetimesinthistownwhenIcanonlyfeeloutrageandrevolt."
"Iunderstand,"saidPaneloux."Itisoutrageousbecauseitisbeyondus.Butperhapsweshouldlovewhatwecannotunderstand."
Rieuxsatupabruptly.HelookedatPanelouxwithallthestrengthandpassionhecouldmusterandshookhishead.
"No,Father,"hesaid."Ihaveadifferentnotionoflove;andtothedayIdieIshallrefusetolovethiscreationinwhichchildrenaretortured."
AshadowofprofounddistresspassedacrossPaneloux’sface.
"Ah,doctor,"hesaidsadly."IhavejustunderstoodwhatismeantbyGod’sgrace."
ButRieuxhadslippedbackontohisbench.
