Мидлмарч

Chapter 58

           ToLydgateitseemedthathehadbeenspendingmonthaftermonthinsacrificingmorethanhalfofhisbestintentandbestpowertohistendernessforRosamond;bearingherlittleclaimsandinterruptionswithoutimpatience,and,aboveall,bearingwithoutbetrayalofbitternesstolookthroughlessandlessofinterferingillusionattheblankunreflectingsurfacehermindpresentedtohisardorforthemoreimpersonalendsofhisprofessionandhisscientificstudy,anardorwhichhehadfanciedthattheidealwifemustsomehowworshipassublime,thoughnotintheleastknowingwhy.Buthisendurancewasmingledwithaself-discontentwhich,ifweknowhowtobecandid,weshallconfesstomakemorethanhalfourbitternessundergrievances,wifeorhusbandincluded.Italwaysremainstruethatifwehadbeengreater,circumstancewouldhavebeenlessstrongagainstus.LydgatewasawarethathisconcessionstoRosamondwereoftenlittlemorethanthelapseofslackeningresolution,thecreepingparalysisapttoseizeanenthusiasmwhichisoutofadjustmenttoaconstantportionofourlives.AndonLydgate’senthusiasmtherewasconstantlypressingnotasimpleweightofsorrow,butthebitingpresenceofapettydegradingcare,suchascaststheblightofironyoverallhighereffort.

           ThiswasthecarewhichhehadhithertoabstainedfrommentioningtoRosamond;andhebelieved,withsomewonder,thatithadneverenteredhermind,thoughcertainlynodifficultycouldbelessmysterious.

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