Мидлмарч

Chapter 76

           Lydgateknewthattherewerefriendswhowouldbelieveinyouandsupportyou,shemightthenbegladthatyoushouldstayinyourplaceandrecoveryourhopesanddowhatyoumeanttodo.PerhapsthenyouwouldseethatitwasrighttoagreewithwhatIproposedaboutyourcontinuingattheHospital.Surelyyouwould,ifyoustillhavefaithinitasameansofmakingyourknowledgeuseful?"

           Lydgatedidnotanswer,andshesawthathewasdebatingwithhimself.

           "Youneednotdecideimmediately,"shesaid,gently."AfewdayshenceitwillbeearlyenoughformetosendmyanswertoMr.Bulstrode."

           Lydgatestillwaited,butatlastturnedtospeakinhismostdecisivetones.

           "No;Ipreferthatthereshouldbenointervalleftforwavering.IamnolongersureenoughofmyselfImeanofwhatitwouldbepossibleformetodounderthechangedcircumstancesofmylife.Itwouldbedishonorabletoletothersengagethemselvestoanythingseriousindependenceonme.Imightbeobligedtogoawayafterall;Iseelittlechanceofanythingelse.Thewholethingistooproblematic;Icannotconsenttobethecauseofyourgoodnessbeingwasted.NoletthenewHospitalbejoinedwiththeoldInfirmary,andeverythinggoonasitmighthavedoneifIhadnevercome.IhavekeptavaluableregistersinceIhavebeenthere;Ishallsendittoamanwhowillmakeuseofit,"heendedbitterly."Icanthinkofnothingforalongwhilebutgettinganincome.

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