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Chapter 30

           Ineverconsideredtheinflatedqualityofmyownegoismthepoorprideofa‘cashandcounty’position,whichisthepettiestsortofvain-gloryanyonecanindulgeinandafterturningthematteroverinmymind,IdecidedthatMaviswasaverycharmingyoungwomanwithgreatliterarygifts,andanamazingpride,whichmadeittotallyimpossibleforhertoassociatewithmany‘great’people,so-calledasshewouldneverdescendtothenecessarylevelofflunkeyishservilitywhichtheyexpected,andwhichIcertainlydemanded.Ishouldalmosthavebeeninclinedtorelegateherto‘GrubStreet,’hadnotafaintsenseofjusticeaswellasshameheldmebackfromdoingherthatindignityeveninmythoughts.HoweverIwastoomuchimpressedwithmyownvastresourcesofunlimitedwealth,torealizethefactthatanyonewho,likeMavis,earnsindependencebyintellectualworkandworthalone,isentitledtofeelafargreaterpridethanthosewhobymerechanceofbirthorheritagebecomethepossessorsofmillions.Thenagain,MavisClare’sliterarypositionwas,thoughIlikedherpersonally,alwaysakindofreproachtomewhenIthoughtofmyownabortiveeffortstowinthelaurelsoffame.

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